#4 Can you feel the unreal?

Can you feel the unreal?

It’s silly ’o’clock early. There I stand on the first tee. I haven't warmed up properly (again). But today I’m feeling strangely optimistic (see optimism bias later).

Setup, perfect. Head, together. Then at the top of the backswing and before I can stop myself, it’s the destructive over-the-top move. The ball starts left then slices big-time right. My inner monologue says, "that felt like a good swing" though that’s not what I say out loud (you can guess).

And there it is. The maddening, soul-destroying alpha between how my swing feels and what the ball does. One tiny move, almost imperceptible to me, creates the full horror show of shots – pulls, hooks, slices, blocks, the lot. Yet it’s so hard to fix, because what feels right is actually wrong, and what's actually right feels completely wrong.

Welcome to the enigma of feel versus real. AKA the perception-reality gap. It’s a tricky little concept to pin down. So, buckle up.

Not only a golf problem

The gap between feel and real is everywhere in life. Just as well, really, as this article would be pointless given how last week’s golf lesson bombed due to the equally enigmatic LinkedIn algorithm.

If feel can be deceptive, real can be shocking. That’s the short version of this article, right there.

Think about the last time you listened to a recording of your voice (...that's not how I sound!). Or watched yourself on video (...is that really how I look?). Or re-read an email you thought was perfectly clear (...why did I write that gobbledegook?).

Our brains don't just observe and consume some pre-existing reality; they create it and luxuriate in it. And sometimes they spin up a version that's unicorn fantasy.

Biases behind the blindness

Humans are quite buggy beings. Here are a few mental glitches that entrap us between perception and reality:

• Confirmation bias: We cherry-pick information that supports what we already believe while ignoring contradictory evidence. How’s that working out for you in a “post-truth world”?

• Availability bias: We think something is more common or likely just because examples come easily to mind. It’s why we fear shark attacks more than diabetes. I'll leave you to google the death stats.

• Emotional reasoning: We assume our feelings and thoughts reflect some objective reality. The brain goes: “If I feel inadequate, I must be inadequate” which is sort of “I think, therefore I am”.

• Dunning-Kruger effect: The less skilled we are, the more we overestimate our abilities. And vice versa. Every golfer has this down to a tee and most car drivers think they’re Lewis Hamilton – you’re not.

• Status quo bias: We prefer things to stay the same, even when change would benefit us. Possibly why accepting there’s a problem in the first place is the highest, hardest hurdle.

• Optimism bias: We believe we're less likely to experience negative events than others. That’s why we take that risky shot. After all, what’s the worst that can happen? Oh shit, it happened. Again.

These aren’t personality flaws, they’re standard issue. Hard-wired biases that show up everywhere, mostly uninvited and unconsciously.

Marketers love this gap

Nobody knows how to exploit the feel-real gap better than marketers. Entire careers have been built around it, including mine.

Take technology B2B marketing (please take it and ceremonially burn most of it).

Now imagine a startup launching the wonderfully descriptive CloudOptimize Pro. It’s an AI-powered cloud cost management platform, don’t you know. Because getting AI to power, enable, infuse and enhance is all the rage these days.

Anyway, this campaign could go in one of three (or possibly four) directions:

1. Reality marketing: "Our software analyses cloud spending patterns and suggests potential savings based on usage metrics and pricing models."

Result: Technical accuracy but minimal emotional engagement. Clarity at the expense of motivation.

2. Reality with personality marketing: "You could reduce cloud costs by 27% within 90 days by finding the hidden inefficiencies your team doesn't have time to catch."

Result: Factual claims backed by emotional benefits (saving money, bigging up teams). Attractive but credible. And it talks to you.

3. Fantasy world marketing: "CloudOptimize will revolutionize your entire business, eliminate all cloud waste, and transform your IT department from cost centre to profit driver overnight."

Result: Sounds good until you quickly realise it’s untrustworthy, overpromising claptrap that some poor freelance copywriter was forced to write just so they could get paid. Absolute, opaque turnoff.

4. Insane honesty: “Here’s the thing, CloudOptimize is a slow fix. But it will probably pay for itself in the next financial year or so. So, if you’re not ripping and replacing systems every other year, this could prove cost-effective option.”

Result: Shows you care. The uncommon level of transparency makes it stand out. Cuts through to prospects and flushes out timewasters.

So, the smartest marketers lovingly milk this gap between perception and reality. Marketers know buyers need emotional reassurance wrapped in rational justification. In a nutshell, it’s the “No one got fired for buying IBM” campaign. We don't buy software; we buy stories about productivity and professional identity.

I should mention that insane marketing is a genius strategy idea from Velocity Partners.

While this Patagonia ad campaign "Don't Buy This Jacket" appears borderline bonkers, it’s working the perception-reality gap by being unusually transparent about it. I mean why lay out the environmental cost of your most sustainable product? Yet, by acknowledging environmental ideals don’t match reality, Patagonia created a rare moment of trust that, ironically, made people want their products even more.

Find your unreal feel

Great golfers don't escape the gap between feel and real. They develop what coaches call “calibrated feel”. Learning which feelings to trust, and which to ignore. They use tools and views that don't lie – video analysis, launch monitors, and coaches' eyes. Eventually what feels weird becomes normal.

So, if you're a marketer, at least test whether customer expectations match the actual experience. And use the perception-reality gap ethically – show your best side, but never, ever deceive.

And if you're a human trying to make sense of things, notice when something triggers a strong emotional reaction. Be open to viewpoints that challenge your existing beliefs and prejudices. And practice a little humility about how much you really know.

Because getting to know the gaps between how things feel and how they are will help you in life, work, play and even while watching the news.

Just don't expect it to feel right at first. A bit like that Patagonia ad.