#3 You’re more golfy than you think

Wherever you stand, let’s walk a few yards (yes, golf is played in the land of imperial measurement). Because golf, like many things in life, has hidden depths and other stuff going on that you might have missed what with all that ball-whacking around a field.

Like or loathe it, we can agree that golf is a “stupid game”. You’ll hear that on the course after a mistake or a spot of bad luck. Also, from people who don’t play when they see us ardent fools traipsing round after a little ball, trying to coax it into a tiny hole with a flagstick, while wearing ridiculous attire that’s socially unacceptable in most public places. I should know, I popped into Tesco the other day in my plaid golf trousers only to clock my reflection in the full-height glass of the freezer section. I froze.

As it happens, golf – like everything in the known universe – conforms to the Rule of Marmite. Both lovers and haters are equally right.

Sheer unpredictability makes it a stupidly daft game at times, but this also sets up some golden moments. And the complexity makes it as bewildering to casual observers as it is confounding for tour professionals who literally do nothing other than play, practice, play, think, play, dream, play, eat, play, sleep, play and talk about golf.

But there are so many sides – of body, mind and spirit – to balance things out. Lovers can be haters and vice versa.

How so? Here’s how...

When golf isn't just golf

Move your body

Step away from worky things. Sedentary desk-life and too much screentime is bad news. There’s no better way to switch off (and switch on) than walking in nature.

On most golf courses – except the ones with windmills and clown faces – you're surrounded by birdsong, flora and fauna. A golfer’s natural habitat is also where you can happen across a gaggle of goslings temporarily estranged from mum and dad, so you shepherd them back to the pond near the first green. It’s OK, they were safely reunited.

Forget the super-manicured versions on telly, many courses let the rough grow and dedicate areas to re-wilding. As the UK has seen a severe decline in insect populations over the last 20 years (in particular, flying insects), these are now vital ecosystems and wildlife havens. And unless you hit it straight (hint: no one does all the time) every round is a potential nature trail that follows a different route.

Sometimes these take you overseas. It’s a sneaky travel agent and golf tourism is a big deal – with entire economies banking on people like you catching the bug (not those bugs, we covered that). Before you know it, you're justifying to your partner why it might be best to holiday in the UK this year, because it’s the 10th anniversary of the Costa Navarino trip plus everyone’s off to Vilamoura in September for Tim’s stag do.

And if the body is willing, it’s one of the few games that doesn't care how old you are. You can be out there competing with – and occasionally losing to – people three times your age. There’s something poetic about a 90-something-year-old imagining a hole-in-one or a septuagenarian shooting their age. And grandparents can genuinely compete with grandkids without anyone pretending to lose. You’re never too old to learn, improve or just nudge it round.

Stretch your mind

As the rakish and ranty golfer Gardner Dickinson famously noted, "They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that." And as the roguish Arnold Palmer, probably with a cigarette hanging loosely from his mouth, noted, "Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated."

They’re not wrong. On a mental level, I’d argue it rivals chess. There are conventional ‘moves’ and endless permutations of shots, conditions, lies, damned lies and technical competence that force the brain to plot your way round. Each hole is like a puzzle with infinite solutions, and cracking it is different each time you play it.

Bobby Jones captured this randomness perfectly: "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots. But you have to play the ball where it lies."

Jones recognised the constant negotiation between intent and outcome away from golf – he made his money as a lawyer. After retiring from competitive golf in 1930 (at 28!), he founded and helped design the Augusta National Golf Club in 1933 where the first Masters Tournament was held in 1934 (unlike the other three majors, it’s always there). This legend always saw many sides to golf.

Alternatively, you can just rock up, seemingly without a care and hit the ball. This kind of freedom is exemplified by Ludvig Äberg whose game oozes class and natural talent. Often smiling and rarely taking life too seriously – or too much time over the ball – is such a refreshing attitude.

The elusive search for mind over matter has led some, like Dr. Joe Parent, to link golf and Buddhism. Finding in both the need to calm the conscious mind and get out of your own way. A meditative state where analysis meets intuition, where planning meets presence. That’s Zen Golf in a nutshell which is all getting a bit spiritual...

Get into the spirit

Maybe it’s not as tribal as team sports (except for the Ryder Cup, and possibly the Solheim Cup and President’s Cup), but golf still has plenty of spirit. Back in the day, it was played on streets and brought together communities and generations with wagers, trophies and stories of ones that got away. It was an everyone game.

But it’s a weird sort of camaraderie. You’re simultaneously playing against the course, yourself, your handicap index, your last round and the elements. And despite being an individual sport and in your own head a lot, golfers are encouraging and often kinder to others than themselves. A good shot or putt almost always will be praised by playing partners unless they’re having a complete mare.

What’s weirder still is how golf seems to be stuck in a time warp. Ladies or women golfers have been part of its history for centuries. Mary, Queen of Scots famously played (and even coined the term "caddie"). At the home of golf, St. Andrews' Ladies Golf Club was established way back in 1867. But its male-dominated, privileged history means that golf still has a long way to go before it can seriously claim to be inclusive. Let’s just say it’s work in progress and things are changing.

As the game slowly evolves, so too do the stories. Every round is a new chapter that reveals much about the players themselves. As my grandfather – a scratch golfer – told me on a few occasions, "If you play golf, your true character will come out on the course. Be ready for that!" The triumphs and tops, the frustration and fats all strip away pretence and leave the essence of you, playing in the spirit intended... or not.

It's never the same twice. And you don't get to choose.

The game has a way of revealing what's in your head and it can capture your heart. Like Marmite, there doesn’t seem to be much middle ground (under repair) between golf lovers and haters. But that's also the beauty – whether you’re drawn to its challenges or repelled by its pointlessness, that says more about you than it does about the game.

Golf is many people, places and things. Mind, body and spirit included. So, if life isn’t complicated enough (unlikely), why not take up golf as that's bound to throw a wedge in the works. And if golf has already found you, maybe there’s more to love than you think.